always

  stasis at chaos

jogging, chugging along

without a basis

or so was the projected mind

the road was always around the hills

That is why falls came thick and fast

it was always swimming under

not requesting to get past

but choice also rolled dices

the written page got scrubbed 

but yet it was always there

the fades only bumped up the chaos

sacred

 foundered solace

at that door

but climbing the steps again

would be a travesty

of the peace I wear

I can't take back the young visage

but can hold the mask

for the scars

for the memory was sacred

until the windows opened

and society stepped in

puppets only danced around

but I slipped the string

Circles

Sparking fire, 

And the engrossing fire, 

Yet the clauatrophobia, 

Yet the free air,

I'm running in circles, 

Finding no corners, 

No Doors, 

That I could choose, 

To jump out, 

Or shut out. 

hidden

Flowers bloom hidden, 

When the goodbyes were bidden, 

I thronged the gallery of despair,

When the roof was lit by care, 

Benevolence hung from the ceiling, 

Warmth is where I seek feeling, 

Embers from the homely coal,

I hug the dainty sunshine,

Climbing into my soul, 

At a steep slow incline.

downhill

Deeper runs the night, 

Deeper goes the knife, 

Its all serene,

Monochrome screen, 

Nothing blinds me, 

But I can't see the stairs of hope, 

I rummage for feeling, 

But its a slippery downhill slope. 

fences

 void in life

you pull apart fences

and rearrange

for less sunlight

but you miss the warmth

you wished for the steel horizon

but the lack of running

keeps you numb

scratching for the light

but progress happens in dark

frolic searches for warmth

on demand

Freckles falling like rain

The mist that fogs the pain

Smiles are on demand

But projected on the face

Spell of the societal wand

The actual humour is beneath the surface

Prick you can, dig you can

Sit in the sun with me

Get a sun tan

Make this visage be free

But I can flash my teeth on request

Pretend as well you can manifest

porcelain

Split into two

Me and you

The nights fit in our shoe

Now the love is just a strands few

You painted me in porcelain

Shattered drenches of rain

I went back to the soil

The spotlight of love was lost

I had loved for the warmth

But you made me fine

Yet porcelain

the spectator curtain

 the night rushes on

the chaos settles on my breath

the curtain flutters in melancholy

dreaming about the rhythms of footsteps

words, and just silences

the curtain wants to let the air in

as it does with sunshine

but the cold makes me spread its wings

it cuts me off from traffic

and the curtain watches alone

as the road dies down slowly

only for the cars to rush in

with the coming sun

and horns blooming and basking in cacaphony

that puts the chaos from my breath

back on the road

tinted fog

tinted fog

clasps the air

and yet we run

beyond the fair

cling to the milestones

but hold the relics carefully

some could have faded to a stain

tinting it all

and making the feet stone

sanity

fleeting sanity

fly around and fall

i feel for gravity

it feels legs are to stall

racing ahead eyes

peace is plucked out for consideration

deliberated dissected

headlines next day

and remains ink to paper

while i search for a hook

to hold and stare back

for a long breath

floating ink

 I pulled out the flowers

were meant to be ours

we set it on a lie

and now that black night towers

it was love

but the roots were trust

i had to know

its raining 

yet i'm leaving the warm home

to forge stronger bonds

not a life that has just floating ink

and no paper

my doorstep

 parcels i left on the porch

they got cold

but the names though inked

were smeared years back

be it christmas

but I untangle the air with heartfeltness

with warmth that makes me smile

not just a glitter pen exchanged box

charity is not on my doorstep

pillow

 phone booths are gone

when they slip in our pockets

but you take the excuse even now

to slip out

your reluctance to take in the pocket

fogged my vision

if I saw 

I would see through the whispers

and the pillow of marriage I was sleeping on

would turn into bricks

on the chair, upright

 its the eyes only

the air keeps circling my face

keeping me upright

but only in the spine

hands on the chair

tears fall as thunder booms

in the other room

its the belt again

for the smile i brought home

but the lips are caked with dust

and life has concreted the tongue

i ring the bell

and a glare stares out of the door

i try and give a glare back

he smiles

and the belt it is again

malice on my shoulder

 malice stays on my shoulder

i let it reach my tongue

then chew it till the snow falls

and I spit it out back into my shoulder

there is a gusto for spitting on the visage

the crimson splitting visage

the visage that presumes closets to be my existence

i'm being polite

but the malice on my shoulder

is being bitterer day after day

i better spit it on the visage

before the hemlock flies me away

for being too polite

your hand, please?

 lofty ceilings of your warmth

promised was love

pamperings caressed me instead

i asked for a hand

not floating cages

blinding me

when life snaps this seat

it shall be a ditch

so just give me your hand

not your entirety

i want to throw pebbles in the pond too

pondering at the sky

hole in the heart

Sangfroid et al, 

The dawn was edging upon, 

Yet the daggers stuck to the palms, 

It had to fall with crimson, 

Had to end in finality, 

And nooses may wait, 

Yet the transgression was a ditch, 

Bottomless and grim, 

A final marker of doom, 

Just not a massacre, 

But a casual shade to dignity, 

To breathing and to happiness, 

So the foot creaked ahead, 

A lunge came, 

Sidestepped, 

A hole in the heart I dug, 

Vengeance spilled, 

And for my beat I gave a shrug.

fear

 fear shuts doors,

while fear only opens them,
fear eggs you upward,

if the fear isn't tying you down,

flap you wings,

futile but the sky is vast,

but the door is tiny,

and to find the key,

and fly in,

you can't be soaring all over.

misery

 misery comes with rain

a puddle few put there feet in

the route isn't chosen

but it keeps coming

and all doors seem glued

perseverance advice seems void

lacking empathy 

but it is the only rope

misery will pitter patter

sometimes blood will flow

but the cliff needs to be climbed

hold tight and go

the train

 tread the windy path

for it seeks your stillness

saunter over the burning wood

it seeks your precision

and from the window of the train

seek the petrichor

find the dainty fields

grace in your eyes

yet again you are back in the snow

again feet wearing the blinds

steady steady uphill

and with a gush down

yet the feet are firm

the tea seller plods you up

mentally at home

home you made out of love

wearing the affection for the country

yet it's time for the other home

and smiles of the mother

who was kept away for the mother below

shiny

 ostrich hobnobs among his winged friends

seeks the dreamy clouds

some see the shiny things

not the cheap glitter it shrouds

recklessness on the drawn screens

bated breath for the road

mirror the world of fantasy

and the breath starts to erode

joy

If joy was treason

I would bleed smiles to silence

If joy was you

I would fall like forever rain

If joy was only me

It would still be windows

But its you

And your ears

That hear me out

Your lips 

Chef for my soul,

That has lifted me above loneliness,

For memories hug my mind,

And lets it be near the fireplace

pull out

 threads frayed

yet the heat stuck

stubborn despite the air

virulent meant-to-be conversations were stonefaced

silence often overstayed

and when the stone cracked

chaos ran even in the bricks

and the fire could rage on 

till one glanced at the clock

and simply walked away

yet no attempt to build walls

when desire to do so

brimming in every breath

swerved faith

 slight sparks stoke fire

ignore the smoke and you built your pyre

smile you kept

by pretence you were swept

slight changes of the road

yet you kept faith

but u-turn and a new direction

you ran out of breath

salad

 vinaigrette on the salad

the sky had picked up blue 

though while sky meanders towards dawn

my window could tint grey

or black with the floor crimson

often hope

i don't take the ride back home

sleep on the chairs

atleast only the  words are sharp

calm

 storm the gardens of dreary smoke

let the amplitude of night wear away

find the blades of grass that are soaked in the dew of hope

and as the wind weaves its way, let them sway

find a moment of calm

sit and feel the warmth of the grass

let nature lift your spirits

let the storm storm out

and have silence reign in our eyelids

Gaslight

Pernicious hogwash drip fed, 

Day into night, 

Dawn into Dawn, 

And the reality is pushed, 

Under the rug, 

With the floor being, 

Bottomless pool, 

And she stays the damsel,

With the wax of her love, 

Melting away, 

Yet she sees only the burning wick, 

And smiles, 

With only a conversation, 

Away from removing the lid of realisation.

across the fence

 bird perched on the shed

saw a fire ahead

smoke rose from the burning wood

a soul stared blankly

right ahead 

as the fumes crossed the fence

back into the scar he was forced to wear

once he had just did a task

a second late

and that had started the fire

the tornado that made his soul blank

and now this fire

made him smile

could be seen even with the mask

as the bird fell abruptly

and a thud came from across the fence

Has it rained on the gardens yet?

Has it rained on the gardens yet?

Has the sky shed its tears out of yearnings for change

Have the reins on fury been pulled

Has the sin been atoned for

Or has sin become as large as the earth

That god just looks away

And we straddle on our own

Towards bottomless pits

And at last it would be a humongous stone

Floating around the sun

To light

Creaky bridges through the tunnel

Smoke rises from beneath and settles on the wood

Steps start to stumble

And the impending light seems hidden behind perseverance

March along we do

But the doom of hopelessness

Wraps around our sleeves

But standing to take a moment

Only adds another block to the tetris of time

Will it hit the ceiling first?
Or we crack the safe of patience
And light rinses us with life

beginnings

Dashing by the door

Out of the corner of my eye

A few strands of hairs floated in that blink

And I rushed out

Looked right

The sprint was on

Yet even with beads of sweat

The steps felt graceful

_________________

In the train

Standing with mind wandering

The eye catches the same hair
And this time her visage is revealed

A portrait of potential warmth

Waves of hands exchanged

The minds again drift away

________________

A few days pass by
No happenstances float in the river of my life
And then as I sit
She does in the empty space beside me
Again a wave 
She buries her head into a book
Two scenarios play in my head
Silence or curiosity
Jitters force me down the road of silence
But the book lodges in my mind

_______________


Months go by
She has dropped back
Into the farthest corners of my mind
And now I see her
We are both on the staircase out
Turning her head she waves
I finally ask, "Did you like the book?"
There's a nod
And a smile
She asks me to stop
And on the stairs, we sit
With I pining for friendship
And perhaps further

Dawn and the moon

Turmoils craved by sunsets

Dawn is drawn to hope

Night brings the moon often

Dawn pulls the sun with a rope

Nightly dreams turn murky

But with the rays of sun warmth settles on

But often the peace of moonlight is smudged out

Left with the bustle of chirping minds racing on

smoldering fatality

 Perched on the branch,

It took in the smoke,

Fate was the spark,
Yet the axe was in its beak,
And it had to push back,
Else the trail of fire...
That smoldered silently in lanes
Burning under curtains
But if the bird was found
It did not let hold
This was a pair
A pal she had flown up with
Months and years
Yet she had to let go
As words cut deep
And a moment unseen
Let the water boil over
Yet allowed her the branch
The fire glared back
Tears simmered in eyes
Yet she knew the fate
If she did not keep the distance

static miles of dreary heaven

 static miles of dreary heaven

we pick rules yet thoughts aren't even

sparks fly and burn bridges 

momentarily leaving compassion in the ridges

the mind is shut and meditates onto one eye

outside noise bursts and the focus is a lie

an airy mind is being reached out to

who holds tight, relaxes the nerves as we do

seeking to be out of flaws 

but that won't keep me human

dreamy perfection can be drunk through straws

yet horizons shall be away, all of a sudden

pall of hope

 walking past the serene, gloaming city

pots and pans seeking men

the ray of hope was lifting from particular heads

stars anointing their tunnel into nowhere

sense of a window

and the figure took them up

not yet the hope was to cast on their heads

and the night went afoul

with the crown devil sending a new devil

and immediately wielding his axe

as the heads started falling

the figure watched

watched on shaking hands with the devil

but also whispering words of peace

yet the cacophony of misery continued to be stitched

the devil continued his axe

the figure watched on

and the gloom started to pervade his skin

he had been sailing for money

his rowers had been the men removed from hope

he started giving back

tiny tiny holes into the net of insanity

till the net clasped his neck

the red-skirted girl

and he chose to captain the ship

cast the pall of hope back

and row away from the net of devil

the fishermen and the woodcutter got their due

( inspired by a very specific movie about one of the boundlessly tragic moments in human history, with a very specific hint in the poem)

solace

 lentil soup on the platter

but its barely just yellow water

and brittle chapatis

but gratefulness comes from stony footpaths

roofs are heavens

even if the pitter-patter still keeps the friendship

getting back makes me smile

they paper the cracks of the great tumble down

from cars and houses

from servants

but I'm climbing up again

thats the solace

concrete

 shatter the bridges

grow out of the love

lies are seeping in

loosening of glove

don't seek warmth

hearts pumping ice

and the rope frayed away

One pinch of guilt

One curtain of lie

That evening

Opened horizon of novelty

Yet stoked a silent fire

That evening of pinching at trust

And with that one shaving

The home had to be just concrete. 

gradual bridges

 pent up,
stitched up,
tied up,

I have learned to let it bleed away,

and life has been numbing down,

the creases are flowing away

the air is a welcome guest

maybe I could draw in a soul or two

for tea

but let the road to fulfilled hope be gradual

steepness throws you back

grim shadows grip you

with even air choking the life out

existence as just a skeleton

hence gradual bridges

let's keep the climb on

too soon

 vortexes pull thy down

inch up you must

hands come like jewels on a crown

but if not to rust you trust

the window lies open

the cars rush past

the ink tickles to happen

engrave a verse of the mind so vast

one such hand is warm

but flames burn the grass

the heat soothes the past harm

but any inch forward is on this glass

you pull the chair

gripping the pen to stitch it up

you give the window back a long stare

and the words in your fingers swell up

cozy fingers at crumbling houses

but this love is that which all fire douses

the words race away in the cocoon

 love and words can never come too soon

pulverised

 simmering anger

agony's dead ringer

out to fly of roofs

horses lacked their hoofs

christened pandemonium

what if if not a burning stadium

being dead faced at dreams

hopes pulverised across its seams

tiny shrubs at your feet

 fences climbed, kingdoms won

heart still racing, feet as warm as the sun

the fog in the eye

the canvas that could be painted upon

all the plans that I pry (open)

could be a blasted cannon

so pace slow

and look down

enjoy the tiny shrubs

let the distant river flow

lay the present moment on your crown

be careful ; it could be a gift or a boulder to tow

crackle of fire

 the blink of an eye

drew me in

but the speech 

was for a different ear

the dust on the book called me in

but the specificity

threw me off

and then I just laid down

watching the fire crackle

speaking from the times of caves

to the times of the phone being a cave

afloat

 tenterhooks left me atop a wall

no other furniture 

high and dry but cosy

reflections of words

yet longing for wings

wings that keep me afloat

soaring into the sky

means planes, eagles

but just afloat is warm

beauty

scrambling tenors of life

plucking out ladders

but its a mold of its own

graffiti it is 

not landscapes

but beauty lies in my fingers

behold the ugly if you see so

the Lisa

 mentioning any inches of gloss

pinches my vanilla vanity

and asks for shuttered windows

but stepping into the sunlight

only and when

 there is a tray of words to serve

no graffiti no doodles

only when there is the Lisa

I will let my car swerve back on

touching the horizon

 fences I run through

maybe larger than me

but the feet aren't daunted

they leap, run forward

till the horizon can be touched

if it is still further away

I shall run on

collecting memories 

of all corners, people, and trees

that doesn't let me stop

falling

 scaling up walls of ice

with trembling ropes

yet falls from every extra inch

pinches out the blur of the destination

and the rope is ready

for going up

till the wall is behind me

horizon

 fending smiling eagles

swooping down to pinch

ounces of life

the skin of dreams

and the running keeps getting rocks

stumbles onto mud

yet getting up is fascinating

with a glint of an eagle-free horizon

ropes of oil

 whats broken

i picked up to fix

but was it my mind

and the edges ran sharper

a steeper slope to climb

ropes of oil

yet light seeped in

and I could see stairs

swimming in a flood

 obfuscations of borders

they barge in

manic meditations in corners

and they pull down windows

running running

it's a stony road

trippings and blood

could be swimming in a flood

yet they would fish me out

hands

 suspended beliefs

as the grass bereaved

floods snuggled and tugged

spinning was just racing through

but it was just my hands

i was sitting

yet the vortex coiled in my fingers

over again

 teeth in skin

spilled crimson

with a smile

forever done for

but past the threshold

more jaws gnawed

and running was an option

yet again a hand 

pulled back to my victory

and start over again

biting through for breaths

lifting opacity

 splinters from fire

flicker in nerves

and the chair scrapes

with ropes that I walked into

by choice

regret piles on 

but choices weren't transparent

yet the opacity could have been lifted

warmth

 walls and a roof

was everything to run from

if the sun could be warm

meals could be traded for bread

if the sleep had peace

bed does not bring dreams

being closer and serenity does

snapped

 white canvas

streaks of trembles

hurried strokes

yet stitched lines

you can see the eyelashes

pupil

lips

but only half

as the fingers lay in a pool of blood

as chaos snapped out

veins ran for their lives

beauty lay under the ground

joys

 etchings fade away

only joys stay

eyes and lips are painted on

but the voices betray

or elsewhere

the eyes have given way

for a dozen lines of wisdom

fiction

 staggered breaths

stony bouquets caging you

and the fall is edging fatality

if only chaos could be in flipping pages

for decades, dust and cobwebs kept me company

but satiation came only in spoonfuls

and thus here I am

with no fiction coming for this damsel

dew among sand

 rodomontading monologues

pinch that pavement esteem

yet sullen windows to the street

footsteps that never threshold to greet

all the polite sugar falls away from this twig

smudged, faded dreams carry of to perennial sleep

the tap though with its queue

is dew among the sand

trashcan lotuses also happen to be a magic wand 

tight

 lullaby to dreams

steel around the seams

doors that shut tight

never to swing open

creaks of chaos

paints with talons

the sky that is grey

with dabs of crimson

lotus in the staple sky

 staple monochrome skies

flutter on my eyes

nobody lifts the curtain

yet a moment would do

all nerves are steel

dreams snuffed out

for delegated ambitions

yet a moment would do

to see a feather on the barely there lotus

i would pull it out in bloom

if you do

on the face

 sangfroid reached

on the face

but racing nerves

veins with a vortex

not a shred on the face

taped lips

taped eyes

chair turns skin snow

yet life's chaos drums on

while  keeping the knots

self

 stencilled etchings

borrowed beauty

readings and sprayings

a thing of beauty

joy on simple pupils

fame might come over

yet self soars higher

even if for the seeker only

stairs of stagnancy

 tarnished are elevators

for the feet seeking stairs

ambition is a whirlpool

extracting all breaths

floating is peaceful

stagnancy is deep

peaks are lonely

and the middle is romantic

twice

 somber meanings

linger on curved lips

as mayhem rests at the threshold

and unease perfumes air

lightning strikes twice

burns down lives

as the door got stuck

with embellishments of celebration

wars

 telephone cords

mangled up

cut up

as tremblings 

fears etch tattoos

dreary becomes a footstep

solace would be sleep

but eyes have been shut

yet as wars for hope

rumble on

memoirs

 tracing memoirs

for rungs of footing

yet the pain draws me in

pulling down curtains 

and often leaving the treasure

at the threshold of dried ink

a page unopened

with my fingers still tracing

chaos

amid seemingly serene words

inkblots

 trappings of dead tapestries

loosening yet familiarity

rushes in veins

and the door seems unhinged

swinging only to shut

and any blink of light

is a dawn saying 

mindless days will fly away

but with a faded inkblot postscript

prying open clouds of darkness

for hope 

keeps the floor firm

amid the unravelling smithereens

frowning

 talons of fear
rocks not near
warmth is with the sun
nights come in succession
franticity is the oars
and rocking and drowning
bit by bit as time soars
silence keeps frowning
dimmer goes your lamps
your fingers have concrete cramps

and it ends with a second

a bridge you can never mend

street

 trepidations steaming across
yet the hope stutters on
laughs gone for a toss

palpitations of a street

smoke from the cups rise on
as smiling conversations greet

as the door creaks out

life finds its keys

threshold is away and the breaths shout 

so the street is home

roads further away are not

my pendulum found it dome
as I attempt to tie all faces in a knot.

dichotomy

 trudging down serenity,

chaos echoed in little puddles,

austerity of life felt blank,

yet the dichotomy gave cactus cuddles,

do i settle?

or is waltzing on the wind my skin,

freezing the clocks,

talking with lungs,

or racing down leaving the second's hand behind

silently without any casual jerk of the tongues.

Sour

I found it sour, 

Trapped in grudges, 

Stuffed in cages, 

Flung across the cosmos, 

Strung by critical passages, 

Haste drips in trickles, 

Foliage sticks to veins, 

Grips it tight, 

And in an act of defiance, 

The air gets tossed into the pyre.

helter skelter

 The telltale signs,
Hung by the vines,
Scarred my walls,
Washed my halls,
Helter skelter is a routine,
There is 0 or 100 for adrenaline,
But loneliness put it at 0,
No being your own hero,
Tell me how to wear blinders,
The finish line is far and can't afford sighters.